


Fake it till you fuck it up

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Community
Genre: Annie's Boobs (Anatomical Feature), Bad Sex, Bisexuality, F/F, Fic Exchange, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Britta was coming to realise that being someone's first lesbian experience was a lot of pressure. Especially when she wanted to make it good for Annie because Annie was so shy and nervous and Britta was meant to be the confident, experienced one, only she didn't really have a clue what she was doing either, and even though she'd never thought about Annie that way before suddenly it seemed really important and she couldn't stop thinking about how she wanted it to work, and oh god Britta was going to fuck this up so badly and then she'd never get to touch Annie's boobs again. Ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fake it till you fuck it up

**Author's Note:**

> Written for scintilla20 for the Femslash 12 exchange. Set some time during series 2 - does contain some references to Jeff and Britta's canonical secret hookups.

Britta should have known something was weird when Annie wanted to take Britta to the bathroom with her between classes. Women never wanted to go to the bathroom with Britta. It was obviously a sign that Annie wanted to talk. She just hadn't expected Annie to hang around the Greendale bathrooms until it was completely empty then walk up to Britta and say "I want to make out with you."

Britta didn't think that your community college's public women's bathrooms were really the appropriate place to make out, or even to tell your friend you wanted to make out with her. But then, what did she know? She never did get this bathroom code. Nor did she get what the appropriate response was to that statement, especially when she was backed up to a wall in the corner and Annie was staring at her all nervous and vulnerable and waiting. She could see what Jeff meant about the Bambi eyes now.

"Um," Britta started, helpfully. "Thanks?"

"Is it weird? Oh god, it's weird, isn't it," Annie wrung her hands and looked at the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make things all strange, I'll just leave it and we can forget this ever happened."

"No, no, Annie, wait," Britta grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look back up at her. "It's okay! It's not weird at all. You can make out with whoever you want to. I mean, as long as they want to as well. But you know, wanting to isn't bad. As long as you're not being pressured by guys." She frowned and ducked her head a little so she was at eye level with Annie. "Wait, do you want to make out with me to impress guys?"

"No!" Annie said, horrified, and stumbled backwards, throwing up her hands. "Well. Not really. Okay, I mean, it's not the only reason but I do know that _lots_ of guys are really into that and that's kinda good because I do want to have sex with a guy one day, I mean, again, like in a way that isn't just in a closet in the dark with..."

"Okay, Annie, it's okay." Britta patted her shoulder again, feeling like she might be in just a little bit over her head. "I know guys are into that, but sometimes that can be some pretty patriarchal sexist bullshit, and you shouldn't feel like you have to do that to get guys. And sorry, I'm _not_ going to make out with you just so you can impress them." She patted Annie again and grinned. "Besides, trust me, guys will like you no matter what you do. I guarantee it."

"Thanks, Britta," Annie said, with a small smile. "So does that mean you'll make out with me in private, though?"

"Oh. Uh." Britta glanced briefly at the door. "I, um, you'll have to let me think about that. And I don't know if this is the best place to..."

"I wasn't going to do it on _school grounds_ ," Annie hissed.

"To _talk_."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Britta squinted at her. She still had two classes to survive today, and she really wanted a cigarette. "Look, someone's bound to come in here any minute. Why don't you come around to my apartment tomorrow night and we can talk about this when we have some more privacy."

"I can't come over tonight?"

"No," said Britta, firmly. She had plans for tonight, which did not include anyone she would be remotely interested in an ongoing relationship and definitely did not include Annie. "Tomorrow night. We can talk about, you know... girl talk. And what... wherever this has come from, and... stuff. I'm there for you."

"Thanks, Britta. It really means a lot to me," Annie beamed, as they walked out. "You know, all the magazines said if you were going to experiment it was better to do it with someone you trusted, you know, and I thought you'd be the best because you'd, um, you seem like you have some experience, you know? And that just makes me feel so much better."

"Um." Britta glanced around. "Sure." She had plenty of experience getting _herself_ off, so it was pretty true, right? They both had the same parts, so how different could it be?

"And besides," Annie said, with a giggle and a glance from under her hair that just looked too cute to be casual. "I just really like you, actually."

Then the bell rang and Annie gave her a kiss on the cheek so quick that Britta didn't realise it was happening until Annie was already bounding down the corridor on her way to class.

"Oh," Britta said, blankly, to the crowd in the hallway, and gingerly touched her cheek for a moment. Now she _really_ knew what Jeff meant about the Bambi eyes. It was almost too innocent to be innocent at all, the little terror. And now Britta had a feeling she was completely, utterly doomed. "Crap."

 

The closer it got to the designated time for Annie to come around and 'talk', the more Britta felt like she just had no clue what she was doing. She couldn't stop thinking about Annie for the whole of the rest of the day, and although she didn't exactly _tell_ Jeff about her when he came over that night, she did apparently mention how cute Annie was and how innocent she seemed and something about youthful experimentation that Jeff felt the need to assure her he'd never slept with Annie and add that he would if he wanted to because and Britta were just fucking, Jesus, what kind of a man did she think he was?

Britta _definitely_ didn't mention Annie's proposition when she went round to Jeff's place that night, but she did mention Annie a few times. Maybe too many times. And more specifically, Annie's boobs.

"Are you trying to get me to tell you that your boobs are better than Annie's?" Jeff asked, as she was leaving. "Because I'm willing to lie about many, many things to get women to sleep with me, but that is not one of them."

"Pfft, I don't care about that." Britta very deliberately didn't look at him as she fished around on the floor for her pants.

"Are you jealous or something? Because this is _not_ a relationship and if I want to sleep with Annie I'm going to do it."

Britta snorted for real that time. "As if you're going to sleep with Annie."

"I could!" Jeff protested. "And how do you know I haven't?"

"Right. Like you'd sleep with Annie and not brag about it." Britta had a smirk on her face all the way home. She _could_ have sex with Annie, probably, and Jeff wouldn't know a damn thing about it.

The confidence didn't last long, though, and by the time the next night came around and she was pacing her apartment waiting for Annie to show up, she was more nervous than she'd ever been about a date with a guy. It was easy with Jeff, she thought, desperately. She could say what she wanted, and he could ask for what he wanted, and they fucked, and it was good, and then one of them left. Simple. So what was so terrifying about trying the same thing with Annie?

Britta bought a bottle of wine for the occasion, which was probably ridiculous, because she knew Annie wouldn't drink it, being as law-abiding as she was about the drinking age. And even if she drank she probably wouldn't like wine. And even if she did, wasn't it the visitor who was meant to bring wine on a date? Britta wasn't sure. She thought she should probably research this, if only because the reciprocal dating conventions in same-sex relationships seemed like the sort of thing a dedicated feminist like herself should be aware of. At any rate, though, having a glass of wine did help at least a little with the overwhelming sense of weirdness when she answered the door to find Annie standing there with a cute dress (why was everything about her so _cute_?) with a smile so bright that if she were any more drunk Britta would have needed sunglasses.

"Come in!" Britta waved her in, with overexaggerated cheerfulness, and shut the door. "Would you like some wine?"

"Oh, no thank you, I couldn't!" said Annie, wide-eyed. "Oh, but it's okay if you want to, though, I wouldn't want to impose any sort of extra stringent drinking standards on you just because _I'm_ still twenty..."

Britta tried not to wince and steered Annie over to the couch. "It's fine," she said, and patted Annie on the knee. "So, how are you?"

"Great! And I'm _so_ excited," Annie beamed. "Though I have to admit, I'm a little nervous."

"Well." Britta blinked at her. She was probably meant to say something reassuring right now, but she had no idea what. She was pretty nervous herself. But no, she wasn't going to let Annie see that. She was going to be Annie's responsible, knowledgeable, experienced, (attractive?) older friend. "Do you want to talk about, uh, how you feel about this, uh, attraction? Because I know it can be pretty confusing and confronting at first."

"Oh! I suppose you do," Annie smiled, shyly.

_Oh yes,_ Britta thought. _If only you knew._

"Well, I just don't know where this came from, really." Annie ploughed on. " _I_ certainly never expected to feel this way! You know me, always try to stick to doing the good, normal thing, nothing that might get me into trouble. Oh! I didn't mean to be rude, it's not as though I think you're a deviant or..."

"It's okay, Annie," Britta patted her knee and sort of wished she could have another glass of wine. "I know what you mean."

"I really shouldn't say those things, it applies to me too now, I guess." Annie frowned, then giggled again. "Oh well! The thing is, I always believed that it was perfectly fine to be gay, but I never thought _I_ would ever feel that way. And yet something happened at Greendale, I don't know, maybe it's being in a new place and having some freedom at last from all the expectations of high school, and it's like it really opened my eyes, you know? To things that I never thought it would be okay to want."

"And that's me," Britta said, just a little weakly.

"Yes!" Annie grinned at her. "That is... if that's okay with you?"

"I think I'm gonna need a little bit more information about what exactly it is that you want from me," she said, at last. To her relief - and then her fear - this just made Annie brighten up again.

"Great!" She said, and clapped her hands together. "That's just the direction I wanted to go in."

"It is?" Britta was more than a little bemused, now, but Annie ploughed on regardless.

"So," Annie said, primly, as though she was starting a class presentation. "Everything I've read tells me that the foundation of a good relationship is honesty."

"A relationship?" Britta raised an eyebrow.

"Oh! I don't necessarily mean a _committed_ relationship," Annie said, smiling. "But the same goes for casual relationships, or 'friends with benefits' -"

She just had to do the air quotes, Britta thought, and she can't even make that look sarcastic.

"Or even just in everyday friendships!" Annie finished, brightly, with a little giggle. "So, in the interests of being honest, I, um, I really don't know what I'm doing, I mean, I've never done this before, obviously. Oh, I've got to stop repeating that. Okay. So. I'm not really sure if I want you to be my _girlfriend_ , exactly, I mean, I don't know exactly what I want..."

Britta thought talking about things was supposed to be helpful, but the more Annie babbled on about what she wanted without really saying anything, the more nervous Britta felt. Which is why, when Annie got onto how she wasn't really sure how far she wanted to go but she definitely wanted to try kissing _with tongues_ , Britta stopped listening and just kissed her.

Kissing was good, or at least it took the edge off the nervousness, and the surprised little 'hmmph!' noise that Annie made against her lips was definitely worth it. Sure, they were in kind of an uncomfortable position, but Britta felt like moving would somehow wreck the moment and maybe that would scare Annie off. She felt like maybe one of them should be on top of the other instead of them sitting side by side, that seemed like it would be more comfortable? Except she didn't know which of them should be in which position and really, if Britta just focused on the fact that _her tongue_ was in _Annie's mouth_ and it felt _really_ good, this would probably be okay. 

She did move one arm after a minute, though, because Annie was leaning on it and it she was worried it would get a bit numb, only then her hand wound up brushing Annie's left breast and Annie pulled back from the kiss just long enough to say "Oh!" and then Britta pulled her hand back like she'd been burned.

"Sorry!"

"No, don't be sorry!" Annie said, hurriedly, grabbing Britta's shirt to pull her back into the kiss and then letting go again. "I liked it! You should do more things!"

"Oh. Um. Okay," Britta said, and carefully cupped Annie's breast this time. And wow, she liked that feeling, and she liked Annie's boobs, and she _really_ liked the way Annie was looking at her with her eyes all wide and excited, so Britta started kissing her again so she didn't have to think about it so much.

When she put her hand on Annie's thigh she only meant it to be for balance, or something, but Annie must have thought she meant more, because she broke the kiss for just long enough to murmur "I like that," against Britta's lips.

"Uh," Britta said, helpfully.

"You can do more," Annie murmured. "I mean, go further. I mean. Uh." Then Annie gave up trying to say what she wanted and just kissed Britta again.

This was going way faster than Britta was prepared for, to be honest. But Annie was counting on her to make this good, she told herself, grimly, and there was no way to do it except to forge ahead. Anyway, she thought, slightly hysterically, as she slid her hand up under Annie's skirt, she had a vagina herself and she'd done things with it plenty of times, so how different could it be? Except that then she was actually touching Annie's panties, feeling her, hot, and wet, and Annie shifted her hips slightly into her touch and moaned into Britta's mouth and suddenly it was all too much and Britta just couldn't fake being cool any more.

"Wait. Annie. Stop." Britta scuttled back to her end of the couch, breathing hard. She very deliberately did not curl up or hug her knees to her chest or do anything that would make it look like she was freaking out. Judging from the look on Annie's face right now, she wasn't really succeeding.

"Did I do something wrong?" Annie asked. "I'm sorry. I don't really know what I'm doing here, so if I did something you didn't like you can just tell me, or, we could stop, or whatever."

Britta had a slightly panicked urge to laugh. They were as bad as each other. Maybe this was always destined to be terrible. God, she was so stupid, she'd just been so flattered that Annie liked her and it was really hard to say no to Annie, she just wanted to make this good for her, if she could, and now she'd screwed the entire thing up.

Honesty, she told herself, firmly, and took a deep breath.

"Annie, I'm... maybe I'm not the best person for you to be doing this with."

"Oh," said Annie, her eyes downcast. "I guess that's okay. I know I can't expect you to be interested just because I want you to be."

"Look, no, I like you," Britta shuffled back to Annie's end of the sofa and patted her knee. "It's just I'm trying to make this a good experience for you and everything, but actually, I, uh, I've never done this either."

"What?" Annie's eyes got even wider, as if that could be possible. "But I always thought you were so... so worldly, you know, and you seem so experienced."

"Well, yeah, with men." Britta blushed. "And political protest, I guess, if that's what you meant by 'wordly'. Like I'm totally well read on gay and lesbian oppression and all that stuff. I just haven't actually... done it."

"Oh," Annie looked down at her feet and she was blushing now, too. "I... sort of thought it would be easier with you, because you'd know what you were doing and I didn't."

"Yeah, well, I thought I could fake it." Britta put her head in her hands. "Look, oh god, could we just chalk this up as a good exercise in learning about honesty and then pretend it never happened?"

"You don't want to do this?" Annie asked, in a small voice.

"No! I mean yes! I like you!" Britta said, flailing. "I'm just, like, god, this is so awkward and I don't know what to do and I feel like a total failure. I like you and I wanted it to be good for you, but actually I'm the worst. So maybe we should just forget it and... yeah."

"Okay," said Annie, a little sadly. "I'll just... go, then."

"We could watch some TV if you want?" Britta offered. She didn't really want Annie to go, just wanted to not have the pressure of having to do things she had no idea how to do, but Annie was already picking up her handbag and backing towards the door.

"It's fine, Britta!" she said, with cheerfulness that was definitely fake. "I'll just let myself out. See you at Greendale tomorrow!"

She shut the door quietly, and Britta looked sadly at her TV. That was a bust. She so mortified by the whole experience that she kind of never wanted to have to see Annie again, but on the other hand, she was a little disappointed that Annie had left. She'd liked just touching another girl that way. It had been nice and familiar. Comfortable, even. And she was really going to miss Annie's boobs.

Maybe it was a good thing Annie hadn't stuck around for some TV, though. Britta would have been sitting there the whole time thinking about Annie's boobs and feeling like a creepy old lady. At least she had her wine.

 

Britta didn't know what she expected from Annie the next day at Greendale, but she knew what she was hoping for - studiously refusing to acknowledge that they had ever attempted to have anything resembling sex. Britta was fine with a bit of awkwardness and avoiding each others' eyes (and trying to avoid staring at Annie's boobs, fuck, she really had to get over that, it was getting kind of bizarre) if it meant that they could pretend it never happened. She had high hopes, in fact, when Annie walked up to her in the cafeteria that morning and dropped a book in front of her.

"I did some research," Annie said, with that determined look on her face again.

Fuck, Britta thought. She noticed that the book's title was 'A Beginner's Guide To Lesbian Sex.'

"Not that it was easy," Annie continued. "It's kind of a disgrace how little literature they have about gay and lesbian experiences in this library. Really, Greendale's supposed to be an open and accepting environment for all students, and they don't have any books on the topic?"

"I don't think adult community colleges are meant to be sex educators." Britta felt like she was back in another conversation where she was way over her head. It was becoming a pattern. "I mean, at least they had the STD fair last year, right?"

"But that's exactly what I mean!" Annie pointed slammed a hand down on the table. "I can't believe I never thought about it at the time, but that STD fair was so heteronormative! There was no advice or support at all for students who didn't fit within the dominant heterosexual paradigm."

"I know, right? It didn't even account for the fact that some heterosexual students might need to know more than just how to put on a condom." Britta slammed a hand down on the table, too, feeling slightly relieved. It was nice to be feeling outrage about injustice and oppression, which was much more familiar emotional territory for long. Unfortunately it didn't last long, because Annie was on a mission.

"Anyway, it was super hard to find any books that were actually helpful, and even breaking into the Dean's private collection wasn't that much help."

"Annie, what did you do that for?" Britta asked, horrified. "The Dean's private bookshelf isn't something I _ever_ want to see."

"Yeah, it was pretty weird. I don't know why I thought that would help. But he caught me breaking in -"

"Annie!"

"- and I explained the problem with the library's lack of queer resources, and he totally agreed! He sent me off to the book store to buy a few things for the library. Isn't that great?" she beamed.

"Uh, yeah." Britta stared at her. "Great."

"So anyway, I found this book, and it's full of heaps of useful stuff, so I think with a bit of research and some practice we can both master this lesbian sex stuff and make it a really satisfying and rewarding experience. What do you say?"

Britta looked at the cover of the book again, and then very deliberately looked at Annie's face and not her boobs. "Sure," she said, weakly. "Whatever you want, Annie."


End file.
